Table of Contents
- > Introduction <
- INTJ Overview
- Conversing with an INTJ
- Frequently Asked Questions
- Credits
Introduction
Welcome to yet another document about INTJs.
Numerous INTJ resources are available on the web, but they are all descriptive (telling you some things about us) without being particularly prescriptive (instructing you on how to deal with us). So we – a bunch of INTJs – decided to rectify that situation by providing you this convenient, handsomely designed, and eminently well-written instructional guide. Targeted towards the friends, co-workers, and relatives of INTJs, this handbook is intended to provide you with the understanding necessary to make your interactions with us go smoother, and to surround you with butterflies and sunshine.
Okay, our integrity demands we admit the real goal is to make life easier for us. Since only about 1% or 2% of the general population are INTJs and we’re a pretty reclusive bunch, we’re probably a mystery to you. Consequently you don’t really know how to interact with us, and many of you tend to annoy us. Hopefully this guide will help alleviate that. We just thought if we made it about you and your needs you’d be more likely to read it. You needy bastards.
{ 328 comments… read them below or add one }
← Previous Comments
I’m an INTJ and my boss is an ISTP. Also, my business partner is an ISTJ. I notice that with both of these people they have trouble following my ideas. Additionally, what seems obvious to me is often times lost on them. In general I notice they both have a need for action which takes precedence over using logic to make their decisions. To be fair they both are logical and smart people, but to me they display impatience and irrational behavior at times, especially when they’re under pressure. Do any other INTJ’s out there have similar frustrating experiences with S types?
Ok I am also INTJ and I have a question for the rest of you. In class the other day, we were watching a video about some girl named Amanda Todd (if you don’t know, use the magical power of Google to find out) who killed herself because she was bullied. Now, I was the only kid in the class who did not feel the least bit sorry for her. My reasoning was that she had been the one to lift her shirt and flash complete strangers and then spread her legs for some guy that was in another relationship, while she completely understood what was going on. She then decided to pawn off all of her mistakes onto her bullies and blame them for all of her distress.
My question is (god I wrote so fucking much): is this a logical thing for an INTJ to conclude about this story (or am I just some unfeeling bitch?)
Yes, you are an unfeeling. As a fellow INTJ, just because we don’t show feelings doesn’t mean we don’t have any. As the intellectual you are can you not at least begin the understand the hardships the girl went through? Many INTJs have been bullied, and I understand why she did what she did.
Danny dianam’s story and attitude is quite the norm for an INTJ, we use logic and have no time for irrational behavior that is feeling based. Have you done a personality test yourself? Sounds to me like you may be an INFJ.
James – no.
Logic:
Human beings are glorified apes driven largely by biology. Being reasonable would mean recognizing that any pre-teen human is going to have to learn how to handle their hormonal and emotional development by experimentation and making mistakes. Anything less isn’t learning, it’s copying. That’s not an INFJ, thats a tiny bit of science and common sense.
Humans on the whole are very social. INTJs maybe less so than other’s, but you’re on the Internet and you did not build it, so let’s not get high-and-mighty about self-reliance.
As pack animals, some of us occasionally get singled out for social abuse or even death. To be fair to Dianam, there is no point in losing sleep over that fact, and Amanda Todd was no Socrates. However – anyone who claims that they can’t understand why a young human female might engage in sexual attention seeking and then be traumatized when the vast majority of her community turns hostile on her isn’t being a normal INTJ.
They are refusing to use their brain.
Please, do us all a favor and follow her example and off yourself. Poser!
from one INTJ to another I don’t feel too sorry for her either. Think before you act people. No you are not unfeeling. I find many people accuse me of not having feelings just because I don’t weep with them over their stupidity. If I point out the inconsistencies in their behavior or say that rationally they should not do something which causes them pain then I am accused of not having feelings. You are not unfeeling. Just smart.
I have the trifecta.
High IQ. INTJ. Aspergers.
I didn’t shed one tear or even cared.
Sorry, it’s just who I am.
For a high IQ, you seem to have rather shitty grammar “I didn’t shed one tear or even cared.” LOLOLOLOL
Glad I’m not the only one.
Reminds me of the time someone who was an absolute poser and retard that was a disgrace to the human race was dropping out from school to join the army, and I expressed my sentiment that “It’s his own fault for signing up to go there when there isn’t a conscription in progress, so I don’t give a damn if he gets blown up”, unfortunately, I was met with “That’s soo harsh.” and “omg u have no felins”.
No, you are not an unfeeling bitch. Or, if you are then you are not the only one because I look at the situation exactly the same way. We create our own hardships then have to live with the results.. right. All of us.. right. This poor girl simply didn’t have the insite given to us INTJ types and didn’t plan ahead for all of the potential possibilities of her actions. I feel nothing for her either. She is just another statistic plastered on the news that I refuse to watch anymore.
When a rabbit comes out of the hole to chew on clover did it plan for the fox to be waiting to jump and eat it? All potentialities must be weighed while we are in the damn place called life. Cut throat place to be isn’t it.
You shouldn’t feel bad at all. noone cares about all the other people that kill themselves who aren’t cute young girls.
As an INTJ my self I would have the same view as yours. I don’t fell sorry for people who is irresponsible for their actions no matter how heart breaking it is to others view.
An “INTJ” can learn anything… In my experience, we were taught to learn and express sympathy in kindergarten. I am not the most sympathetic person in the world either. As an alleged INTJ, I may understand your approach to analyzing Amanda Todd’s suicide. However, as an alleged competent person, I seek to understand “understanding” for the sake of being truly competent as a human. Therefore, I conclude that a person who refuses to master their feeling capability as a human remains incompetent as a human. (if you truly follow me) I place emphasis on the clause “as a human”. I do this because there is a small generation of people who believe as INTJ’s we are heartless. This is not true. We are competent! Fully Competent. We know when to express veneration, courage, boldness, obstinance, strength, etc. These characterics are connected to some form of emotion that intermingles with our reasoning. Therefore why can we not intellectually master our feelings and emotions? I do many things despite how I feel about them, because I am driven within! I understand it is not natural for me to be touchy feely too. What I am saying to you is …. GROW UP. as an INTJ and better yet GROW UP as a human. The young lady who killed herself… KILLED HERSELF… It doesn’t take any form of genius to KNOW AND UNDERSTAND that this is unfortunate and worthy of respect. You are intitled to your conclusion as am I. However, I have a question for you. If you killed yourself for being an alleged “unfeeling bitch” would it be “logical” for us to NOT feel sorry for YOU in the least. It may be illogical from one frame of reference. But it is stupid.
Thank you Ariel. Some of the above posts are more than a little disturbing. Being an asshole is not a badge of honour. Don’t be so smug people, and don’t judge others without having walked in their shoes. Did she make giant mistakes? Absolutely. Did she have other options besides suicide? Of course. but she probably wasn’t an INTJ herself and couldn’t think logically about her situation to find a better solution. Saying you feel no sympathy for someone what was deeply troubled and took her own life doesn’t make you an INTJ, it makes you a sociopath.
Logically speaking, it’s her fault. If you bother to thaw your heart, it’s sad. Sad that she chose to whore around and then got bullied for it.
I would say that feelings are less imporatnt in this situation then logic. Consider that a TEAM of bullies turning on you is dangerous in a very real sense. She may have faced real issues from them at that time or in the future, gangs can be and are very dangerous. Teaming up on a single person is a cowardly act as well. And as an INTJ you should be very concerned that if a person acts or thinks a certain way, but is not an aggressive person, they should have a right to do so, or we will all be hunted down and removed from the planet by gangs. So, for self-preservation you should be VERY concerned that so many turned on one person for no real reason. This could easily happen to any of us.
Actually, any logical person would have reached the same conclusion as you. Rationality isn’t exclusive to INTJs. Whores get treated like whores; it’s not rocket science. However, the fact that you seeked approval from strangers on the Internet puts your credibility as an INTJ in question. Any mature individual would have conceived the aforementioned conclusion, kept it to himself, and moved on his life.
im an intj but i dont do well in school… im bad at math, im much to involved in my art, and listening to the teacher bores me because im to busy thinking about my writings and my paintings. I havent done college yet cause i dont have money, which im also bad with, and my friends think the ways i do things are to tedious and i should do them a much easier way. which they proceed to tell me and i get angry. is this all normal? cause i feel if the intj is a mastermind i should have been better in school.
Being an INTJ doesn’t make you a genius at every subject. It’s important to remember that personality type and talents are not the same thing. Personality, as I understand it, is how you tend to process life. Talents are what you are naturally good at or naturally pick up on. Everybody, no matter their personality type, has things they are good at and things they’re not good at. So don’t get discouraged because you don’t get good grades, because you have other talents. And if it makes you feel better, I also did not do well in high school, but when I got to college and started studying subjects of interest to me I did much better.
As for your friends’ views on how you do things, remember that INTJs tend to think outside the box. You’ll see things differently than other people and try to do things differently. That’s ok. You probably see the way your friends do things and think they’re crazy too. Stay patient with them, they probably just want to help. It may not hurt to consider their ideas too; sometimes we Masterminds have trouble listening to other perspectives even when they may be better. But if you truly consider their ideas and find them not to be helpful, that’s ok too.
Hope this helps! It can be tough to feel like no one understands you, but you can get through it.
If an INTJ my self I am stimulated by solving math problems and doing science study/work. Also I see stuff beyond my knowledge that I don’t think anyone can do. I can solve and understand highly complex problem that anyone don’t even think about putting thoughts into it.
As an INTJ my self I am stimulated by solving math problems and doing science study/work. Also I see stuff beyond my knowledge that I don’t think anyone can do. I can solve and understand highly complex problem that anyone don’t even think about putting thoughts into it.
Candace
It is very common in my opinion to be an INTJ and not be good in school. Because INTJ’s are masterminds and so very smart they tend to be bored easily with people and those that think they know the answers (blah , blah blah) I barely got through High School and the only reason I did was because of my love of Sports and mostly Basketball. I was flipping burgers at some joint bored to death, but had no idea what to do with my life. Mother talked me into a 2 year degree as she knew 1) I didn’t ever want to have to be dependent on another person as a means of surviving and 2) Knew I hated school but this was short and with much encouragement I got through it. thanks Mom!!!
I could have gone much further in life had I cared about learning math.
but I also believe I am right brained as well and thus had 2 strikes against me. be patient , make sounds decisions and you should do fine.
for instance if I play an online game and read the chatter that comes from peoples text/chat…. it’s utterly stupid and repulsive useless chatter. they annoy the hell out of me….. as do most people. good luck!!
Candace, I am an INTJ also and dislike math. I’m not sure what the problem is, but no matter how much I follow the damn steps I’ll get the wrong answer a few times in a row due to stupid mistakes. Like, really stupid mistakes (mixing up numbers, positives and negatives, whatever). I’m better at other things. For example, I love art and writing (like you) and am even working on making my career in the arts.
INTJ doesn’t mean you have to have certain interests.
If an INTJ who often forgets about things remembers, things I said in conversations I didn’t even remember, does that mean anything?
Lynda,
LMFAO……WTF kind of question is that?? You wouldn’t last 10 minutes in a room with me.
Are you retarted?
That’s actually true, I can recall specific words, which people say, sometimes to their joy, sometimes to their demise. INTJ if they take it to heart they remember it quite well, and somehow pinpoint it what makes that person what he/she is – Even know person better than they themselves.
It’s also interesting to see how people forget. There was once a girl, which when we were in group conversation, and at two different times, I said identically the same thing, and both times she said the same thing in response. — and probably wrote it down twice aswell
I will be doing it for the third time next week, we will see how it goes!
Why is my INTJ always wanting to stay home? Answer: They know people don’t like socializing with folks who can’t muster a shred of humility.
Why doesn’t my INTJ ever talk about relationships? Answer: Because they have never been able to form one with someone (you need to care about someone other than yourself to be in a relationship.)
Why does my INTJ spend so much time on his computer? Answer: He’s too busy making a whole website dedicated to how he’s the worlds most rare, least understood genius (only 1 – 2% of the population, you know. Almost like a real life unicorn!) to care about you.
Also, I don’t like to correct people’s gramar, because mine is horrible. Unless of course that person claims to be correcting everyone else’s, all the time, and putting people down for not being smart enough. So here is a little spelling lesson for you – COMPLETE. Not COMPLEAT.
Thanks for making me hurl on myself, keep up the good work.
If a word is spelled wrong it’s most likely on purpose, and also there A strong possibility it was a ironic pun that has , as predicted gone right over your head. Maybe not, dont worry its not your fault ,please save us all the trouble and realize you are not capable of understandinng us.;)Thank you.
Oh Marion, you jolted me out of my ennui, which as a self-centered, intellectually narcissistic unicorn, is quite a feat in itself.
I chuckled along sardonically with the first three points. But alas – compleat is in fact a word. An archaic one, but correct in both spelling and usage within the context.
Methinks (another archaic word) fair Marion has missed the whole “sarcasm” thing. Speaking of which, unicorns are mythical thus from a statistical perspective, probably not a great comparison. If you want to add weight to your argument, maybe use something low prevalence like a marmoset?
LMFAO……….LOL…………LOL……….LOL
It IS compleat, because the term means “quintessential”. It is also an archaic spelling of the word “complete” used in titles for handbooks.
Marion, when you correct people, make sure that you are, in fact, correct.
HAH! (Sorry my comment didn’t contribute to the discussion, but I’m having too much fun reading these rebuttals to that ignorance to form an appropriate/witty response)
Sounds like someone is having a hard time with their INTJ sig. other. I have one. Care and feeding can be challenging but infinitely rewarding. I’m crazy about mine (I am INFP so we have our *ahem* differences) and glad to have found him, however I understand Marion’s points. I’m hoping she was able to work things out with her INTJ, I found staying calm and rational (when I felt wild and emotional) helps a great deal.
I’m pretty sure there is a book series called THE COMPLEAT IDIOTS GUIDE TO….sort of like the {insert topic} FOR DUMMIES series. I think that was the idea behind the title. Love INTJ wit…not everybody gets it.
This is the evidence that we are very misunderstood. (pout)
Why is my INTJ always wanting to stay home? Because we are well-aware that we are blunt people, and we always have to select words with utmost care to “socialise”. Imagine walking on an edge of a knife. For three hours. We get exhausted.
Why doesn’t my INTJ ever talk about relationships? Because we like analysis, and your analysis doesn’t really qualify as one. I talk about my relationships, but from a rather distant, detached place, after I do a thorough examination with the given evidences. “But I was so sad” gives me scant information; “you did this and this and this, and I felt abandoned” communicates better. Eventually, we get tired of prying information out of you and stop trying.
Why does my INTJ spend so much time on his computer? Because PCs are a good source of information, and it does what we tell it to (most of the time… my printer proves au contraire). We value information greatly, and to share it would be one of the greatest gifts. Before PCs, we used to live in libraries. Our brains are the most fascinating places for us. A PC stocks thoughts that we can’t keep hold of, and also gives us new information to add to our collection of evidences.
We are sarcastic, self-absorbed (I mean, come on, the worlds we create in our heads are fascinating for us), but once we care about you, we really do care. If your partner seems to know far more about you than warranted, that is because we care and we observe to milk out every grain of information we can. That’s how we show we care.
Gabrielle,
I love you.
I agree. Isn’t she great? She’s my favorite comment author here.
Yeah, I love her too..and to think I was all I Am Legend on this planet…hoping there was cure for these people around me or at least some survivors of progressive intellect
Why is my INTJ always wanting to go home?
Answer: The moment where we enjoy and gain our energy from the most is the moment we INTJ are alone by our selves. We get bored a lot and lose our energy and enjoyment being and talking with people we don’t know.
Why doesn’t my INTJ ever talk about relationships?
Answer: Because they are years a head of our relationships and often you can’t catch up.
Why does my INTJ spend so much time on his computer?
Answer: We play video games because we get bored with people. And the Internet is full of knowledge and knowledge is what we’re after the most than people.
Their now you got you answer coming from an INTJ my self.
Sounds like someone reasently got rejected by an INTJ…
Aw, sounds like you’ve had a rough time with some INTJ or other. I’m sorry, Marion, that’s too bad.
Hi, I have always tested as INTJ, but my T is mariginal meaning I am somewhat of an F at times. Can this be a transitive quality (in a passive sense), but when it comes down to it I’M T in the abolute… Or can this be a transitive quality of choice (even on a repressed subconscious level)… or maybe wishful thinking lmbo.
Probably, INTJs won’t care at all.
I do think FEMALE INTJs are different than males. I am an INTJ (way way INTJ from a formal Briggs Myers.) And I think women are conditioned and even a little inherently more compassionate beings. Maybe it has something to do with child-rearing, I don’t know. I know my feelings are often hurt. I don’t really CARE that much, but they are. Plus, I have learned that other people interact (and decide and spend money) based on feelings, so it is in my best strategic interest to consider emotions as another variable in my schemes for dealing with “the others.”
To know them is to own them! ha!
p.s.: I am often late. I hate getting somewhere on time and sitting around waiting for whatever to start. I have things to DO and think about!! I don’t LIKE waiting around and chit-chatting with people (blech) until things actually start!! ha ha!!
I am INTJ and I agree 100% with your second paragraph – that’s me too.
Small talk: something to be avoided at all costs for the INTJ, which is why it’s better to be 5 minutes late than 5 minutes early. Time spent chit-chatting is 1) an unneccessary expenditure of energy, 2) time that could be spent on the internet learning about how the Finnish ‘victory’ in the Winter War shaped the strategies of Nazi Germany during World War II, and 3) intensely boring.
I found what you said about female INTJs interesting. As a male INTJ, I am uncharacteristically compassionate (a ‘compassionate misanthrope’, to quote Hilary Clinton), and perhaps in your view, quite ‘female-minded’, although I am a 95% straight male and outwardly quite masculine. The truth is, I think more so than any other personality type, there are actually very few differences between the male and female INTJ. Gender roles are an artificial and unnecessary social construct, and we all know how the INTJ deals with those
And we do have feelings, we just don’t experience them as intensely as other personality types or hang on to them for excessive periods of time, and we’re terrible at expressing them.
I’m an hour intj female, and I know what you mean! I will feel lonely and sad that I really don’t have many close friends, but then I’ll start trying and realize i don’t have much in common with them, then resort to my room. My feelings get hurt, but I’d rather be lonely being myself!
The fact that “complete” is spelled “compleat” on here kind of contradicts what was said earlier about INTJs. I will agree, though, that most of what was said was correct.
‘Compleat’ is an archaic form of ‘complete’.
I’m a INTJ but im not smart. Poo
only because you think it.
Try that again and say “I’m smart, the smartest MFer out there”.
AND….Poo… WTF is THAT!!!!!! did you do a little foot stomp while typing that. I’ll forward a pic of myself and if you ever see me in a room that you plan to enter just do yourself a favor and don’t come in.
I love saying poo. I think it’s hilarious.
I just found out today that I’m am INTJ. My first thought was “wow this it me!” My second thought was I wish I could be something elce. I’ve been unhappy most of my life because what I was doing didn’t fit with what I wanted out of my life. I wanted to be a scientist or physician when I was young then later fell I love with photography. The photography allowed me to make the world look like in images the way I saw it. Also I was lonely and being behind a camera let me interact with others in a safe way. I also fell in love with a girl and things happened like they do sometimes between a boy and a girl and I found my self married at 19. I gave up my dreams of higer education because the paths that I imangened for my daughter if I just went out and did what I wanted were unbearable. So I spent the next 15 years working at what ever I could to keep the family fed. Now finally I have started school to become a clinical medical technologist. I spent a lot of time being angry any hyper critical of everyone around me because I saw them all as stupid and when I would try and explain to them why they were wrong I would only end up more isolated. I always thought I was just a bright jerk and there was no place for me. Reading all of your posts made me smile it was like reading things I would have posted had I lived a different life.
We INTJ becomes or feel that we are surrounded by idiots/stupid people when they don’t understand what we understand. Other times we feel as if everyone is inferior by not understanding and knowing what to do. We look down on them. Sometimes we feel as if we are superior to others knowing that we know anything and everything their is to know about what we are talking about. This is how INTJ feels about other people.
I think one of the great challenges of being an INTJ is learning to value other people’s contributions, and recognising that, while we are often right, we are not ALWAYS right. While we have a great grasp of the big picture, where would we be without the sensing types (who often frustrate us) to deal with details and minutiae that we often overlook? We are the Sherlock Holmes’ of this world (Holmes is a fictional INTJ), but where would Holmes be without his Watson (an ISFJ himself)?
Yes I totally agree with you, my I is 82%, N is 100%, T is 110.00001% and My J is 52%. Im a hard core T and I worry most about peoples emotions toward me because I cant relate to them. And also it is very very hard for me to show emotions.
Although this may sound scathing . . . talking to others can be like talking to brick walls to INTJs. Why would you want to talk to a brick wall when you can go learn about the origins of archaic words?
Being an INT-J does not entitle us to look down on people.
Your article seems to imply that other personality types should be honored to be in our presence; what you are detailing here is sheer arrogance.
We have high standards, if others do not reach them, we can either choose to ignore them or tolerate them, but never, ever belittle them; this serves no point but to make ourselves feel superior. Now, forgive me if I’m wrong, but it was my belief that we never did anything just to “feel something”.
Lastly, INT-J or not, everyone is capable of carrying a grudge. Remember, while we are not emotional people, we are hyper-sensitive towards those we care about. Mayhap you have never gone through an ordeal which would push you into bearing a grudge (which would make you a very fortunate person), however, keep in mind “Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence”.
Kindly, do not misunderstand; I do not bear you any animosity, I simply believe what you have written is a source of misleading information.
Well said, well said.
Hah, you missed the point there.
The tone is supposed to be sarcastic and humorous, seen from an INTJ’s point of view. I think its very well done actually and captures the way I think quite well.
INTJs classically come over as arrogant and self-obsessed to others. This is WHY we are so misunderstood.
In reality I’m really just constantly comparing everyone to the high set of standards I set for myself. I can tell you now that almost nobody actually meets them and I have a difficult time keeping up with them myself! This doesn’t mean I’m belittling anyone, just means no one compares to the highly unrealistic standards I set for myself and everyone around me.
Simple.
It seems I’m INTJ. But I feel ashamed by the stupidity of this discussion. Come on….those it change anything? you people should try to get along with other people, if you know about your weakness why don’t improve them? just accept you are also the cause of the issues and don’t force other to accept your point of view.
We do get along with people, just not people who we feel are a waste of time.
Yes we also know our weaknesses, but in some ways this is a double problem! For by knowing our weaknesses we think why spend time trying to improve what we already know we just can’t do? INTJ is our personality type- its the way our brain functions and you can’t change it any more then you could make a playing card a toaster.
Lastly we do accept we are also the cause of many of the issues we face, nobody judges us more then ourselves. I believe this guide was made with an aim to help others see why we are such a pain.
We also don’t force others to accept our point of view, its just if we know something to be right then we KNOW it with every inch of our minds. We’ve checked, double checked and even got an outside opinion to check and make sure its right. If you don’t want to accept that this thing is right when we know it to be then you are wasting our time. You have your opinion all you want but if the facts don’t back it up then we don’t care. INTJs are logic machines, if we know its correct then it is. We are also first to step back when one of our previously checked believes develops a new variable that changes the right to a wrong. As long as then logic and facts back it up, we are with it 100%.
I agree with you 100.000000001%. INTJs are superior compare to others when facts and logic are involve.
Why waste energy on people it is scientifically impossible to get along with? You say we should try to get along . . . ACCOMMODATE others when it doesn’t make sense to? Not gonna work for INTJs.
Is it scientifically impossible to get along with someone? How would you determine that? Yes, it can be harder to get along with someone who is very different, personality-wise, from ourselves, but there are other factors. Goodwill can help a lot. And some distance
. Both parties must want it, I think (if I’m wrong, tell me).
I am an INTJ. I have four siblings but one sister in particular is almost my complete opposite. She loves gossip (shudder), clothes, the Kardashians (Cardassians!), and she basically never stops talking. About nothing. For years it drove me crazy and I finally told her how frustrated and angry I felt, most of the time, dealing with her. It was an incredibly intense exchange. Since then, we have both worked on our relationship. We know that we are very different, but it is important to both of us to get along and be on the same “team,” and love each other.
From my perspective (this is my theory, go ahead and tell me if something better occurs to you): I deal with her and try to understand her relying most on the “N” part of me. The understanding part of it helps me to be more patient and compassionate. I have also begun telling her when she is repeating herself, or when I am not interested in the conversation. I remember to tell her as much as possible that I love her, and if I see something I admire about her, I am careful to tell her also, since I know this is important to her. I limit my talk about books.
From her side of things: She is a feeler and and extrovert. She loves relationships and craves to be around people all the time. She wants to have a relationship, and I think she knows I love her. She’s making an effort to make me more comfortable/happy in our relationship because the relationship itself is important to her. She makes allowances for me and I think she tries to actually understand me (which I appreciate, but know is not really her job or something I would require of her).
It works (shrug). We need to be careful not to toss out the possibility of getting along with someone just because they’re very different from us.
Look, not all INTJ’s are harsh bastards. They got manners too, when needed. There are boundaries too. For the most part, we know when to rude, or to be nice. Sometimes though, my bluntness slips out among those close to me.
What sucks is that no one understands my sarcastic jokes. Damn shame.
On another note, if someone asked me if their butt looked big in the jeans, well thing is, I wouldn’t ever have a friend like that in the first place.
P.S.
INTJ’S do NOT, and I mean, DO NOT have a grand compatibility level with ESFP. Just giving this little tidbit out there… oh boy, that’s for sure. They will never understand the way INTJ’s think, and big misunderstandings will arise.
ESFP our complete opposite. LMAO..even I go the other way when I see those coming instead of making a remark to send them the other way.
I have a friend who is ESFP. She loves acting and has dreams of a successful Broadway career (Me: No. Just no.) She garnered a minor role in a drama school’s schoolwide production of Beauty and the Beast. My other friend congratulated her, rather superficially, in my opinion. I said nothing, smiled a bit. She then goes off on this melodramatic monologue about how I am a “sucky” friend. Sucky. I proceeded to explain that I do not feel the need to broadcast my emotions like she does because of my personality type. But noooooooooo, she ignores the logic and claims that I’m “sucky”. Enjoy that.
Compleat is an archaic spelling for complete. The authors of this website are making a bit of a joke. Like “The Nyce and Compleat Goowyfe’s Guide to Home Economy”, or whatever. Chill out?
As an INTJ i battle most of the above issues everyday. I am told I am insensitive (as if sensitivity is a good thing). I am confident ( and I am told that i have no right to be or it exudes arrogance). I walk away from small talk (and I am told I am rude). I tear apart ideas that are not well thought out (and for that I get the asshole label). I disappear for days (and for that I am told I don’t care about others). You know the drill. We all know it isn’t true. I have been labelled a narcassist, a jerk, unfeeling, arrogant, mean, full of myself and worse. And then they call me when they have a problem to solve. Go figure.
Sounds like Dr. Rodney McKay from SGA
I’m an INFJ, engaged to an INTJ. Perhaps our shared dominant function of Introverted Intuition helps me to accurately identify your confidence where others would incorrectly perceive arrogance. Where others may perceive you as condescending or rude, I recognize your desire for honesty and sincerity, traits I admire. Where people may say you don’t care for others….well, I don’t generally enjoy being around others myself. We both need to recharge our batteries away from others, and just because my preference is ‘F’, I require a lot of time alone.
INTJ’s: I do have a couple questions. I asked him about his ‘awareness’ of his feelings. He said he is extremely in tune and perceptive with what he is feeling at any given moment, and that his feelings are quite intense. He told me he simply does not feel the need to express it to others, nor does he allow it to affect his decisions. Is this a fair assessment with many other INTJ’s, regarding the masked depth or intensity of your feelings?
Another question: what contributes to your inclination to be protective or secretive of your inner self? The answer I received when asking this to my fiancé is that ‘knowledge is power’ and that he doesn’t like the idea of others knowing how he ticks, or use this information against him to manipulate him. I can relate to this as well, but are there other reasons behind this desire to conceal or protect your inner self?
In response to your questions:
My feelings are, in fact, extremely intense, because we do not have many outlets to express them; hence they tend to sit and crystallise and simmer. However, we often find that words just lack the intensity and urgency of our emotions, or that emotions are personal and cannot be shared, due to unclear definitions (what is “sadness”? What you may define as “sad”, I may define as “misery”. e.t.c.). As for decision-making, we have seen many times how emotional decision-making can lead to short-sightedness (in our view, at least) and pitfalls. Logical decision-making, however, takes into account as many possibilities as we can come up with; e then pick the “least dangerous one” or the “most profitable one”. This includes emotional damage.
I am an oddity for an INTJ, and I tend to open myself up (at least, about my history) to others far more often than my fellows; however, we are rather terrified of emotional damage (or at least I am), perhaps far more so than other types. We are also introverts, so we generally get fatigued being with people. I suppose we might be far more sensitive than others, and that a simple word would be enough to deal a bigger damage than expected.
It is not that we “do not have emotions”. We do. Rather intensely. We are, at times, in tune with it. Sometimes, we don’t even know what we’re feeling until we analyse it much later; this is why we find it hard to communicate emotions. We are theoretical people, and we loathe to use wrong terminology, and therefore must analyse and examine our emotions first before affixing them onto a certain phrase or a word and then releasing it from within ourselves.
Bingo.
Wow, TM, good questions.
To the first: I am not very much in touch with my feelings, but when I am, they seem very intense to me. I don’t know if they really are “intense” – I’d want to compare the intensity to other people’s emotional intensity to see if I could gain some insight but have no idea how you would measure something like that. I was really interested in your INTJ saying that he is very in tune with his emotions. It didn’t occur to me that was something an INTJ could do…very cool!
The second question: I thought about this a long time, because your INTJ’s answer had also not occurred to me. For me, I mostly don’t tell people because I think that they are unlikely to be interested. It seems like a waste of time (not to mention needy and humiliating) to share your inner world with someone who’s not interested, or with the world in general…why? Then I remembered I had one (rare, amazing!) friend once who seemed to want to try to get to know me in that way, and how I felt about that. I had difficulty believing he was interested at all, and frequently considered the possibility that his unexpected and incredibly rare interest might have less than good motives behind it. Other factor I can think of: sometimes our feelings simply aren’t relevant or helpful in a specific moment or situation. If that’s the case, then it makes no sense, and could be counterproductive, to share them.
Lol @ JN.. i just found out from my mother a couple days ago that i am in fact an INTJ.. and to be honest.. im flattered. I have known all my life that im different.. and i welcome it. sometimes it can be discouraging cause very very very few people relate to me. My teachers seem to be intimidated. friends and family are just so unlike me. and i just feel weird all the damn time. but i like being different. and i enjoy the fact that im not a crowd follower.. thankyou for showing me there are others suffering from this but now that i understand more about my myself.. maybe it wont be so bad.
Please capitalize the letter “I”. Please capitalize the first letter in sentences. Thank you, and enjoy your inferior conventions.
Man, do you ever have that right!
I recently found out that I am an INTJ. Only God knows why. Cause I studied Psychology and ought to have known about it. Anyhoo the INTJ profile fits me to a T. I overanalyze everything, and cannot seem to get over the fact thst some people wronged me in the past. Well I’m over it, but sometimes I’ll still think about it and get so f* angry. So my question is: Do all INTJs struggle to get over things? (These people tried to change me, ’cause they didn’t understand me, ant though I was a weirdo and needed change. And boy if you wanna get om my bitch side, don’t tell me there’s something wrong with me. This happened about a year ago. Shouldn’t I be over it already?)
Zee,
I found out a few months ago why I have spent a lifetime being and feeling different. I tested and found out I’m INTJ. I didn’t believe it and took every damn test I could find just to disprove it or possibley change it by lying. I couldn’t even lie my way out of it so now I just embrace it.
When people tell me how I should be or what I can do to change what they don’t like about me I just let them know that I’m not trying to be what they need me to be. They usually go puffing off
I struggle with letting things go but there is a way. (I meditate) But, figure out what is ultimately important to the future of your HAPPY exsistence, designate a step by step process to get there then joyfully spend your life wiping out the people that get in the way of or tell you you can’t reach that procedural goal. (I’m pretty anti-social. Tried people..didn’t like them) I’m as “different as an INTJ can get and just the way I walk pisses people off.
Anyway, instead of struggling with what pissed you off a year ago, mentally and WILLFULLY release it and occupy that space with a step that needs to be taken to reach that procedural goal. Make your mind wrap around what needs to be done now and release the past or at least logically categorize and file it somewhere that it doesn’t bother you any more. This way you get to use your mind in a capacity that it was designed to work at. Anything less has the potential to cause obsession, depression, and self-destruction. Don’t go backward girl we are INTJ…go forward. Our minds work better with forward impulsion only.
Hello Wendy,
I’ve never added to a forum before but after reading your post I felt compelled to. I also only learnt that I was an INTJ about a year or two ago, and since then it has opened my eyes much wider as to why I am so much different to everyone else. I too can have trouble letting go of some things, and as a result this has led me through bouts of depression and self-destruction. I have just recently discovered the joy of meditating (still a beginner) and find that it is amazing. A quiet and peaceful mind is a joy indeed! A lot of people don’t seem to understand that ruminating and obsessing consumes and wastes a lot of energy. An efficient mind is a more effective one. I, personally, would prefer to spend that energy and time thinking of positive things that make me happy or give me peace. And I agree that forward is the best direction to go. I tend to be more interested in where you are going, not where you have come from.
‘DON’T express an opinion to us unless you are prepared to back it up with sound arguments and well pedigreed facts and evidence. Otherwise do not be surprised when we logically shred your opinion for you and hand it back to you in tatters’
I didn’t realise that an opinion had to be backed up with sound arguments. I thought an opinion was only an opinion, and not grounded in facts and evidence. I think you can have an opinion about something, but not always know all the facts, history, science, etc behind your opinion.
We INTJs formulate opinions after collecting what we deem to be sufficient data and case studies. So:
“I think A is B” will be regarded as pulling random statements out of the air, and then we will try everything to examine its validity (usually, unless you are as obsessive as we are, we will rip it into shreds… I jest. But there are many times when we will pull out thirty evidences to the contrary to nullify your point). Either that, or we will automatically disregard the said statement since it has no backing evidence and forget about it.
“I think A is B, due to this, this, this, and this” will be regarded more seriously, and we will examine it more closely, and if it’s interesting, we’d debate it. There will be anecdotal evidences, data, and case studies flying around in the debate. Usually, it doesn’t really get anywhere, since both sides will have almost equal amounts of evidence and established theories supporting the sides. But it is a very good exchange of information. If we deem your opinion to have scant back-up, we often find it rather pointless to discuss it, since the opponent seems to be beaten to the ground with the torrent of data and evidences, and we will only be giving OUT information without receiving much in return.
We like analysing, dissecting, and then rebuilding to form opinions and decisions. Believing in an opinion without sufficient back-up would feel like crossing a bridge with no support for us, and would register to our minds as dangerous. This is the reason we sound very pedantic; for matters that we do care about, we are generally very well-informed.
You put that extremely well… I admire your articulation skills! Also, you’re exactly correct.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but we INTJs believe that you must have some reasoning for why you have that opinion. If you form (and worse, share) an opinion without any supporting evidence, we will view you as illogical and probably won’t talk to you.
But we will definitely be thinking about all the reasons your opinion could and couldn’t be plausible.
An uninformed opinion is an ignorant opinion. You most certainly can have an opinion that is independent of facts, logic and reasoning…. just don’t expect such an opinion to garner any respect. Tearing it up is an effort to help, not hurt; we do it because we care. If we didn’t care, then we would let you continue on with your life, professing nonsense.
I’m an ENFP By the way, so don’t be too hard on my feelings, lol.
This was a fun to read, I sadly got passed over with the spelling and writing ability’s. Dyslexia has a humbling ability it lowers my I.Q. on tests 20 to 30 points so I only test in the mid 130s. I cannot see irony in deliberately misspelled words since I don’t see the misspellings.
When you have a weakness you gain a strength elsewhere and reading is no exception. I retain only 20% or so of what I read and I read very slowly, but retain 90% plus of what I hear or watch. I have an immense wealth of information on subjects I like. I’ll watch the history channel and find myself yelling at the tv because someone didn’t know how think the belt was on a particular battleship and hearing it said incorrectly drives me nuts.
One thing I love is a good debate, but something I seldom ever get is a good debate. As and INTJ if I know it I will fight you to the death. But if I do not know it I will not argue the opposing side I will shut the debate down right there I despise lies and will not state things that are not facts. This trait drives people who know me out of their minds because they cannot see my pattern which is clear as day to me. All battles are won before they are fought if you got me to engage in a debate its because you haven’t a leg to stand on. If you do have a premiss that is logical or in an area outside my expertise I am far to smart to allow myself to be put in the position of defending the indefensible.
Long ago when I was in school I did something that I recently saw written about on a profile of the INTJ. I did probably .01 % of my school work or homework. I knew I only needed to listen to the lecture and I wouldn’t need to read nor do the assignments and my test scores would be enough. I hated school so much I went to a tech school and took machine tool what can I say I like working with my hands and I like math. But in the academic part we had 3 semesters of 30 days each. So I recall I had a teacher that thought he was clever homework that wasn’t done would be 1 point off your final grade. So worse case 30 points but he wanted to appear random so every 3 assignments he only collected one. So now we are talking minus 10 points off the final grade. Works for me I’ll do the test and quizzes and nothing else and get strait Bs. He got very angry when he found out I worked 3rd shift my entire senior year of high school I was of legal age so nothing he could do. Had another who graded on a curve so if the highest test score in class was say an 80 then he would add 20 points to everyone. I sort of blew that with 98-100 scores hehehe I wasn’t liked much in school and that didn’t help.
The on time thing seems to have little use for me as well. I don’t see the virtue in jumping through hoops to meet some arbitrary time schedule that I never agreed with. And in my business I am still easy going with that I have a set amount of work its getting done today and the start time isn’t whats important its the finishing that is.
I do hold most people in contempt I do not like having my time wasted and that means small talk and useless conversations. You can show up to work 30 mins late I don’t care but do not think I am going to listen to you talk about your GF in my truck on my time.
I have been trained over the years to be polite and I can come off as quite charming. My confidence is second to none and it is a constant fight to keep what I really think in check to some most deserving foes. True this may be just my perception but the voices in my head are unanimous on this subject.
I hate it when people figure out how I … operate. Knowing that someone else can decipher inside my head makes me feel that I can’t be alone, can’t think without someone else knowing what I am thinking. This is why I avoid sharing emotions with other people. On the other hand, no one understands me at all. How am I supposed to balance this? Also, daily life bores me. Doing the same thing all the time. I stay up late just thinking, speculating. That is mainly why I am posting this at midnight.
I seriously thought I was INFJ, but INTJ fits me perfectly. I was your stereotypical gifted underachiever. I always did my homework, but why the heck would I need to turn it in. I know I did it, isn’t that all that matters? I’ve been married to an ENTP for ten years, and although we are outwardly extreme opposites, our NT similarities seal our compatibility. I have LEARNED how to lean towards E if I need to, but I still hate small talk and stupidity. I thought I was more empathetic, but I have realized my ‘empathy’ just serves to help me analyze people more efficiently. I personally feel very deeply, and rarely express my feelings (which drives my husband crazy). Feelings are messy and illogical and expressed feelings can have severe long term consequences. My personal social coping mechanism for criticism is this: if someone criticizes me, I ask myself if it is true. If it is, I can either fix it (which I do), or I can’t (which means why worry about it). If it isn’t true, then I know it isn’t, and I don’t care what anyone else thinks. I rarely think that critical comments are worth getting worked up about, unless someone is questioning my work ethic or motivation. Then its game on. And I don’t care how good a friend you are, just realize that I KNOW there is another side to the story besides yours. I’m not going to blindly take your side until I know the facts. But if you are in the right, I’ll help you bury the body.
How do you know when an INTJ just doesn’t want to be your friend.
Well, I would probably avoid that person as much as possible. If I would be stuck in small talks with the person I want to avoid I would probably roll my eyes more than usually end the conversation as soon as possible, maybe through saying there is somewhere I have to be.
If someone constantly talks about things I don not give a damn about (in my case fashion, cars, sports, parties and food) you can be sure that I will be quite casious in any atempts to establish a relationship between me and that person.
However that is just me. It would be interesting to see what other INTJs would do with unwanted friends.
How do you know one doesn’t want to be friends anymore? They stop acting like a friend, likely dropping off the face of the earth. I don’t initiate any interaction, nor do I return their calls. If confronted in person, I say I’ve been busy. Doing what? Doing nothing. Doing everything. What does it matter….
Personally, when I don’t want to be your friend:
1) If you talk to me, my responses are short and vague. Details are a form of respect from me.
2) If you invite me somewhere, I will say I’m not interested.
3) If I’m having a conversation with someone and you butt in, I will either:
a) Tell the person I’m conversing with that I’ll talk to them later and walk
away
b) Fall silent and just stop talking, retreating into my head
4) If I walk away from you and you follow me, I will find a way to make you stop following me, e.g. going to the bathroom.
You get the idea.
As an INTJ i find it particularly difficult to find a balance in any aspect of my life. I read one of the comments up there about INTJs having little outlets to channel our feelings. Yes i do get very intense and even explosive feelings. A lot of times, especially in my relationship with my boyfriend i tend to focus a lot on one particular thing that may not seem very big to him but it does to me because i link a lot of factors of our relationship from there. So. It bothers me. When it comes to exercise and food, work and rest, life and God too. Can’t find any balance.
Funny how i’m sharing this here not because i want a solution or empathy but simply because i see many people who can identify with me and share them same problems. Its not easy to find people who actually do feel or think like how our personalities cause us to.
Hahahaha! Very good! I’m an INTJ, and I love this
Oh so relatable! I’m going to print off this guide and give it to all my friends and family 
They may finally understand me…
Actually, I highly doubt that. Oh well, still a great guide
Most Amusing. Well done.
For a taste of INTJ type humor I recommend a visit to the GS Elevator.
You should have mentioned under pet peeves people that want to fix us
I am an INTJ or is it I am an alcoholic?
It is the former. I hate redundancies, or using extra words. Rain event? It is rain, for example. I do tend to live inside my head. I am very Introverted and Thinking. I am fairly Judging as well. I am somewhat Intuitive. I too have test center brained — neither left nor right hemisphere dominant and can learn visually or by auditory.
I am so introverted that most other introverts seem extroverts to me.
I hate telephones. When I was 3 or 4 my mother put the phone up to my ear and was told it was grandma. It was but I could not say a word and I still do not like talking on the phone 50 some odd years later. For me to talk I need to rehearse what I am going to say first, so I need to do the calling but would prefer not to do so.
I hate liars. I dislike advertisers as they exaggerate everything they say. They try to sell you something that you do not need (and then keep trying to sell you more) for a price you cannot afford.
This was highly entertaining. I found myself laughing a lot because it was all true… Well, most of it. I actually enjoy surprises (good-natured ones, and as long as they don’t interrupt my already-planned schedule), and I have quite a few piercings and tattoos; I view them as art. I don’t see them as “superficial.” Anyway, this was a great read, and I wish I could hand this out to everyone who seems to have a problem with me/annoys me/doesn’t understand why I’m odd…
Can you publish this? Please?
I’m, too, am an INTJ woman. My husband is an ESFP. I’m constantly being told by others that I need to ‘change’ and ‘start to like’ or just plain ‘get over it’ the thing that my husband does for me because they find it incredibly romantic. I find it incredibly cheesy and unimaginative. We manage to get along and accept each other.
The main problem that I face everyday is that my bosses have a hard time seeing any new possibilities and I’m stuck in an unorganized rut of chaos every day. It’s extremely frustrating and their business is going to eventually tank and I have no plans to be there when it does. Other than that, I really don’t care what they do.
I enjoyed this immensely. I plan on printing it out (in a neat and organized pamphlet- giving credit where credit is due, of course. Perhaps playing with the title and replace INTJ with my name, an INTJ) and placing it in strategic areas where people will be interacting with me on a regular basis. Few people understand me and I don’t expect this to help any, but it would be highly amusing to witness people’s reactions.
Hahaha! Kristi, excellent!
I’m an INTJ and it seems pretty accurate description about myself.
The thing I value most is reality which is reflected on what I like and dislike. A show I love is Game of Thrones, course everyone seems to like it but as an INTJ I know exactly why I like it. Game of Thrones is a great show because it follows reality; there is no “magic spell” or “superman” in the show that can solve everything. I like the clever characters over the strong and powerful, I value the ones that make smart decisions so that I may learn from them. Shows that I find distasteful would be all the reality TV shows out there because partially they deal interpersonal problem of people which as INTJ I don’t give too high value for but the more important aspect of reality TV is that it is not a reflection of reality. What I mean by this is that most of these shows is not an accurate depiction of a normal person’s life, the average person or at least the average INTJ will rarely be in these situation thus I find it boring and even valueless, I rather watch “How it’s Made” that that.
I also highly value security and a solid foundation to work on and avoid risk as much as possible. Security comes in many forms it can be financial security, I never spend what I don’t have, I’ll never say to myself “The next paycheck will cover what I’m getting now” this will only ever lead to a bad end. I hate gambling as there is no guarantee to win, or the way I will see it as there is a chance to lose and gain absolutely nothing. Sure one might say you get a thrill but as an INTJ a thrill is nothing but a momentary feeling for that moment you can’t really learn from a thrill, so I find it of little value. I find security in knowing what I know and use it as a fall back when exploring new things. I find myself on youtube watching programs about space or human psychology often they cover topics I already know but I watch them anyway as a confirmation of my knowledge. I enjoy crossword puzzles as they too confirm my knowledge of words and test what I know and what I should know. My value in security is reflected in how I play games, I would choose to slowly poke at a boss with a shield up taking little to know damage than to do big hits but if you mistimed a dodge you will take massive damage.
I also do a lot of analyzing, in my head or reflect after a situation has passed. A good example what be if I get into petty argument with my brother. There are some times he just chooses a talking point that just can’t be defended like “You won’t like this because I know you won’t”. Of course I will pick at his point over and over until he ends up saying something like “It’s so funny how you are so serious about this argument” which I take as his indirect way of giving up. However every time we get into these spats I will go over the entire argument in my head over and over and confirming that I was right and he was wrong, sometimes for the entire day I would just keep replaying it in my head. I would try and figure out what are his values, was it his pride? Did he really value what I like? Did he just want to argue with me due to sibling rivalry? Same thing for when I finish a job interview, I would replay over and over and see what I could have possibly said after knowing the questions.
Uh… what if I’m trying to take over the world so I can eradicate all mankind and let the jungles grow free and wild?
It’s probably still for the world’s own good
Who could fathom that a simple social ritual like small talk could create so much consternation for a INTJ as it does. I think more than feigned disdain or superior intellect, our issue is that we simply don’t understand its purpose.; the lengths I have gone to avoid small talk are almost comical. Besides not understanding how beneficial small talk can actually be it also brought about feelings of inadequacy and not belonging as I watched other participants gleefully enjoy themselves while I tried to understand why I wasn’t as equally entertained. Oh, and let’s not forget the perplexed looks on their faces at my attempts of contributing to the conversation. Ever in my INTJ manner I often found myself analyzing components of the frivolous conversation attempting translate into my language which in turn created a dialogue that was woefully inappropriate for the light nature of the conversation…he he he, talk about feeling out of place if I dared voiced my thoughts!!! However, I’ve come to appreciate the role that small talk plays as a social function so I’ve since found ways to better adapt myself to these moments of frivolity including the nod-and-smile, playing games inside my head including evaluating the other participants etc. It has helped me tremendously
I just found out I am an INTJ from a test I took for a class. I always thought I was different and maybe crazy from the blur of thoughts that would never stop running through my head. I can not remember if I shut the garage door or were my car keys are. I have memorized almost every detail of most of the capitals in the world because I thought it was interesting one day. Throughout school I would fall asleep and receive bad grades on homework but always get A’s on exams without looking at the book. I judge within the first couple minutes if the person I am talking to is intellectual equal or greater than me. If I do not find them interesting I zone them out and go back to my thoughts. Reading this forum proves that I am not crazy and their are others even if it is only 1 percent of the population.
I used “were” instead of “where”. I just noticed my mistake and it bothers me.
I laughed so hard at this! Kudos to whoever wrote it, very funny! I kind of want to show it to some friends and family, but I will choose them carefully – hopefully finding the ones who will appreciate the humor. I can see places where it might upset some people…
Just read the intro to this and totally laughed out loud reading the last paragraph of the intro. Touche! Totally written with all the whit and dry humor of an INTJ! Love it!
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